One thing that is clear in the Lord’s teaching is the potential of conflict. He said, “For offenses must come…,” (v.7). It is expected, therefore, that the Lord address the matter we commonly call Conflict Resolution. Here is His word on that subject.
“Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’ And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.”. (Matt. 18:15-17)
Let’s not overlook the purpose of this. Jesus did not give us these steps so that we can get rid of people who bother us, who sin against us or with whom we disagree! The purpose is not to get rid of but to gain! Therefore, if you run to this passage when you want to punish someone and get rid of them, your spirit is wrong and you will not likely use the procedure correctly. Jesus identifies the purpose at the end of verse 15, to gain your brother. That should be your hope. The elevation of self should be absent in this.
These steps find their practical use “if your brother sins against you.” While there may be situations of other kinds of conflict where the model of private before public can well be followed, this procedure was given to address one kind of conflict: “if your brother sins against you.” The teaching of Christ in Matt. 18:15-17 is not for every situation! It is for the situation specified: “if your brother sins against you.” There are other situations, to be dealt with according to other instructions (see Gal. 2:11-18; 1 Cor. 5; 1 Tim. 5:20). This is the situation of a private offense. Our reaction should be just as described by the Lord. To be hurt, then hold that hurt in your heart over several years is never recommended in the Scriptures! (See also Matt. 5:21-26; 38-48). To complain and gossip is not the right response. “If your brother sins against you,” you are obligated by virtue of discipleship, to follow the Lord’s method of conflict resolution. Go to him.
Step 1 “go and tell him his fault between you and him alone.” Necessarily implied in this is, the matter is private. You are taking a private matter up with the alleged offender privately. Based on this, at the first thought that I have been sinned against, (see list of sins) I need to GO, not stay and sulk and go and tell others. The Lord said, “go and tell him his fault,” and do this privately at this point: “between you and him alone.” Let’s assume then, faithful disciples – believing they have been sinned against – do what the Lord taught: “go and tell him his fault between you and him alone.” And let’s assume that sinful brethren are gained. When you do this, remember that all such efforts should be accompanied with the prayer that you will gain your brother. Also, bear in mind that this is about a “sin” and all charges of sin require evidence (1 John 3:4).
If this effort fails: “…let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.” Jesus uses a manner of expression here to indicate exclusion! The unrepentant brother is “worthy” of this exclusion or discipline because of his choice to sin. By his own choice, he is now an outsider who is subject to disciplinary measures (1 Cor. 5:5,9, 2 Thess. 3:14-15)